Round and Round

I go round and round about 2 things in my life: My job and whether or not I should go back to school.

As I write this I am at work. (DISCLAIMER: I went back and forth to this 100 times during the day. I did not just write this in one shot, and I wrote most of it at lunch time) I'm so burned out that almost anything distracts me. The fact that I have blogs to look at, Etsy, CNN, Found Magazine, Post Secret, The Onion, Engrish, and the fact that I can look up any number of things that pop into my head on Wikipedia, well, it's really deadly. I'm cyber ADD. Yet I always get my work done. I always get a good review. I try not to talk about work because I know people have been fired for saying the wrong thing on their blogs. So, you don't know where I work right? You just know it is a huge corporation. When I first started here, it was great. Everyone was treated very well, the work was interesting and challenging, and the best resources were always available to make you efficient. Not to mention the pay and benefits, which were amazing. Over time, this has mostly eroded away. My staff has been cut to one person. All of the other departments have been cut to the point where people run around like headless chickens, and much of it trickles down to me. Most people have better computer monitors at home than the beast I'm looking into now. The bathroom stalls now run out of toilet paper, and the place just isn't as clean as it used to be. They cut the air conditioning, which, actually, is a pretty good idea. I never have air conditioning in my house, (our choice) so being hot is kind of normal to me. But, wow, is everyone else bitching!

The benefits and pay remain good, and that's what keeps me hanging on. I have a relatively cheap health plan, and I have 4 weeks total vacation. I know I am paid very well for my education level. So I have to stay, right? Of course I do. So many people don't have jobs, or have really crummy jobs. Obviously I am just a spoiled jerk that needs to get real. I know all this yet I still really wish I was doing something else. Are there any drugs out there that make you happy when you ought to be happy? I look back and so regret some of my choices. The very definition of a mid-life crisis, right?

This brings me to the second thing, going back to sachool. I have an associates degree in fine art, plus a few extra credits toward a BA. I don't want to go back to school. Don't get me wrong, I did very well as an adult college student, and I loved it. But at this point, I just want to come home every night from my hated job and relax. I want to hang with my husband, I want to garden, I want to sew. Just to add some zing to all this, any college I could attend is far enough from Frenchtown to be a problem.

So, this is what I go around and around about nearly every day. I always reach the same point, where I do nothing. Another year rolls by. They are willing to send me to school at work, oh yes! My boss suggested corporate communications as a major. Just shoot me in the fucking head, OK? If I'm going to go back to school, I have to at least care about the subject! I just have no love for this corporate world. I think everything they say is crap, and they say it with that corporate speak that makes my skin crawl.

So what school do I go to, and what do I major in? My first choice would be to continue my fine art degree. I don't think any of the state colleges in New Jersey near me have a fiber arts department. I could take sculpture and fiber-ize that. Should I go for teaching? That's almost like starting over, and it seems that a lot of new teachers I know get laid off every 2 years so they never get tenured. I recently saw a career counselor that told me it almost doesn't matter what your degree is in, just that having one is important. Another thing that interests me is Art Therapy, but I think you need a double major of art and psychology, and maybe even a masters. I would love to work in a library, but that requires a masters degree as well, I think.

So, here I am, ready to crack open a bottle of wine again instead of think about this. More to come, I suppose.